Welcome to my newly evolved blog! I have changed the name and the look, along with the focus of the blog. I hope to be able to express myself better, and I hope you enjoy reading it. I am an 'everyday mum' in every sense, and the things I think about and muse about, are everyday things relating to my everyday job - motherhood.
Today I think I finally began to put into practise something that has eluded me for most of my mothering years - equanimity. Equanimity is the quality of being calm and even-tempered, and I managed to do this for most of the morning, despite an almost non-stop tantrum from my daughter. The boys never threw tantrums and I used to secretly pat myself on the back when other people's children would exhibit this horrible childhood attribute, and wonder what I had done to deserve two such well behaved little boys. Well, let me tell you, I am paying back whatever retributions I owe, with this little princess!
Tantrums are not something she normally has (usually it's just headstrong defiance and annoying independence), but today's tantrum was a doozy! We had visitors, and from the moment they arrived, until the moment they left, she was horrific! In her poor little eyes, nothing was going right - her toys were being taken from her by 3 boys (who really had no interest in them), she couldn't sit in her favourite spot in front of the telly, every item of food she was offered just wasn't what she felt like, and she kept losing her dummy! All the while she cried and screamed, and was covered constantly in that yucky mix of tears, dribble and snot.
You know what though, not once did I lose my temper with her. Sure, I got flustered and had no idea how to stop her behaviour, but instead of lashing out and yelling like I normally would (we'll get into my temper in another post!!), I kept my calm and I maintained my composure as best I could. Equanimity. It didn't stop the tantrum, but it sure as hell, made it easier to deal with!
For those of you who are familiar with Buddhism, you'll know that equanimity is referred to regularly, as evenness of mind or temper. It is, in short, what Buddhism ultimately strives to achieve. In Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali, equanimity is given it's own chapter and is explained in layman's terms for us spiritually challenged mums. In a few words though, Ms Napthali believes that to create loving relationships with our family, we need to embrace loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity. Well, one out of four ain't bad - guess I'm at least on the right course!
I really must pull that book out again. It's days like this one where a change in my mood comes purely from a small change in my behaviour, and I realise I am the one in the driver's seat, and not my kids.